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All scriptures are taken from NKJV unless otherwise marked.
The world we live in can be a very cruel one. From the media telling us we should look one way to the bully at school taunting our every move, it can be difficult to be okay with ourselves. It doesn’t matter what race you are or how old you are, insecurity attacks A LOT of people. The average number of suicides per year in America is 44,965. That number doesn’t even account for the number of people who attempt suicide.
Everyone has their own story. When I desired to take my life it was because I hated myself. In my eyes, I was disgusting. All the wrong I had done left me feeling nothing but shame. I felt ugly and unattractive. I believed things would never get better and that I was unlovable. Every relationship I had allowed myself to be open and vulnerable in ended in devastation. My heart was torn and beaten beyond recognition. An outer layer of stone formed. My conclusion to all the betrayal was that there must’ve been something wrong with me… right?
My father left when I was a young age. Mom was a struggling, single mom who worked full time. Because of this, I was considered a ‘latch-key’ kid. I began smoking weed and tobacco at a dangerously young age. Drinking alcohol and having unprotected sex followed shorty after. I was desperate to impress people, yet fell short every time. You can’t make real friends while pretended to be another person. Life was at a dead end and I felt hopeless. The lie that I would never be good enough for anyone had taken me captive. All the horrible decisions I had made left me thinking I would never amount to anything.
Overwhelming emotional pain and a feeling of emptiness consumed me. Attempting to drown it out by getting high, drunk, and self harming did not remove the pain. Therefore, doctors prescribed me medication and labeled me ‘depressed’. However, nothing worked. I attempted suicide multiple times hoping to end the pain. Nevertheless, I failed at that too! “Can I do anything right?!?” I felt like an utter failure.
The Phone Call That Changed My Life
My brother was always there for me. I felt comfortable opening up to him because he understood. Life is rough and people tear others down. He didn’t judge me or tell me to ‘get over it’. Having someone listen to my every woe was the greatest thing I’ve ever received. I trusted my brother. When he shared the gospel with me, I believed him. I’ve always felt there was a god, but I certainly did not know Him.
My sibling shared with me that he didn’t always have a strong bond with God. In fact, at one time he disliked him. Yet, he received Jesus and the Holy Spirit. His life was changed forever. Since the story of the gospel made sense to me, I accepted it. There was nothing left for me to lose, so why not?
The Next Day
When I awoke the next day, everything felt and looked different. It was as if I was seeing all things for the first time. I remember looking outside and the world looked bright. Looking at the grass, it seemed like each blade was dancing their own tune by swaying in the wind. “Wow! It’s amazing how God keeps the grass alive although we walk on it all the time.” My eyes moved up and I was more astonished. “We have roads! And cars!” Then, I turned around and it continued. “I have a bed! So many people in the world don’t have one. And a roof! Floors!”
My entire morning was like that. I really freaked out when I saw we had plumbing. How the heck does the plumbing system work and how do we have free clean water?!? Finally, I called my brother because I felt like I was losing my mind. After explaining it all to him, he was convinced that I received the Holy Spirit. My spiritual eyes and ears had been opened and I had the ability to see things how God does. It made sense to me.
From that day forward, I become obsessed with God. Who is He and what is He capable of? Deciding to do my own research, I plunged into the bible. It picked at my brain and each sentence hit me deep. Proverbs opened up my eyes to the spiritual realm and I saw how the enemy works. Then, I learned that God loves His creations. He created me and died for me. I have a purpose and every wrong decision I ever committed was forgiven at the cross.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
-2 Corinthians 5:17
The truth of the gospel set me free. That love that I search for and craved my entire life had finally been found. Can you believe it? I have a dad now! Jesus accepts me, flaws and all. What else could I possibly need? My life has been changed drastically. The lies of Satan over my life were slowly being exposed and freedom began to reign.
As I continued talking with God a tremendous amount, His presence was always around me. My friends walked out on me, but it was the happiest I had ever been. Validation for my self worth was no longer needed. My identity was found in Christ and what He said about me. Loneliness disappeared. After He supernaturally healed my broken heart, that sharp pain in my chest never reappeared. The only tears coming out of these eyes are tears of joy!
God is able and willing to heal your pain and fill any emptiness too! Begin to meditate on what the scriptures say about you and choose to believe it. Lies can’t rule over you’re committed to learning the truth.
Your True Identity
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
“For our citizenship is in heaven…”
For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
“For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”
“The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ…”
Greater Is He Who Is In You
“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgression from us.”
“Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
“For you were bought at a price…”
-1 Corinthians 6:20
“For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”
“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.”
-1 Peter 2:9-10
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
If you want this list of scriptures in a printable form, click here.
Suicide is not a joke. If you or someone you know is suffering from suicidal thoughts, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.